Hard calls and the grace to make them

imagesWhat happens when your child’s little heart is heavy about a choice that you as a parent ultimately made?

A choice that you believe was the right one because you know God led you there? What do you do as a parent? You cry. You wrestle with the thoughts and try not to be defeated by them. Where you know that them missing home is part of the sacrifice. It’s part of trusting God and laying down my life completely..which in doing so is allowing Him control over my kids life. THATS HARD. All of us have a choice to trust Him with our kids to a degree. We can decide to worry and fret over their lives or we can lay it down. Being here and hearing our youngest son be sad off and on, seeing that with all the blessings God has given us by being here there is ugly hard stuff as well.

Cyrus misses America still. He used to say ” I miss home” but now has said ” I miss America”. I thought that meant he is transitioning after a year and half that Thailand is his home now. Until last weekend when he had some serious behaviors coming out and we talked. We talked about his heart and how he misses friends and that he doesn’t have any here. I know that next year when he goes to school with his brothers his life will change immensely. I know that God has us here to fight sex trafficking, to love these kids, to help create a place where people are excited to serve. I know all of this…but still. I cried so hard and even now as I write this days later I tear up. Knowing something doesn’t make it always easy. I want to be transparent with people, people that see us and say how brave and strong we are. It’s not always truth. We have seen God in all of it, especially the hard stuff I would say. I keep coming back to the notion that I seek first the kingdom, the rest will come. So I pray hard that God alone will meet his little heart in Thailand, I pray that we will be more purposeful in creating friends for him. Ultimately I pray one day he will look at this time and miss it like crazy. Thank you for allowing us to share here with vulnrabilty and courage. We are so looking forward to connecting with each one of you in a few short months!  I bet you can guess how excited he is to go back to America  for a visit! We started a ” Summer bucket” list to get excited and planning to  go. His eyes lit up and was smiling the whole time.

Thankful that Jesus holds both our hearts at the same time and we praise Him thru the rain!


Ever Grateful,