An entry from my journal

Some of you may have noticed..most probably not. I haven’t been writing on here much..as in not at all. There’s a reason for it..I feel like Ive lost my voice a little bit..not my actual voice of course(though my kids would probably enjoy that for a period) but my writing voice. I inspire easily and in this season..well I don’t..and if I get inspired I just can’t form words about it.So God is funny sometimes..I was journalling the other day and pouring out my heart to Him..and I am about done and I hear His small whisper ” post this..exactly like it is”

” HUH?” “This is personal Lord” ” And not good!” “It’s rambling Lord”
SIGH. ” Ok Lord..obedience..yep..ok”

So here you go folks..be nice..as in not judgy..thanks.

“Keep my eyes on you.”

Not on the to do’s, not on the what if’s, not on the how much’s, not on the how can I’s..

YOU. YOUR provision. YOUR strength. YOUR future for me. YOUR grace.

Help me to tune into your voice.
To stand on the mountain top of gratefulness, forgetting the valley of self doubt and the pools of question marks.

YOU are enough Jesus. Every breath I take I inhale faith and exhale anxiety. I am enough..because of nothing I innately am but because of you alone. I can collapse into your arms with not one side glance of judgement or my favorite revisiting enemy ” Buck up Angie” I don’t need to prove anything. You are enough so I am enough.

The bucket I measure myself in is empty..bone dry..but its ok because YOU are the bucket and even though I am dry you are enough and you carry me.

Taking the steps..with no idea where you’ll end up is full of emotion for me..keep holding His hand. Firm grip. Eyes on Him. Stop looking at the ground beneath you..yes I know its shaky..the path is missing pieces..its ok..eyes on Him.

I hear you Lord whispering “Cast your cares on me..right now”

The kids Father..oh Lord are we screwing up their childhoods or giving the a wild ride in faith? Or both? God firm grip on them ok? I am helping to take care of your kids please Father take care of mine. Trusting.

My marriage- Thank you Lord for Samm who is in love with ALL of me or at least entertained with the other bits. Keep us connected and grossly in love.

Provision- You are faithful. Time and time again we ask you to provide and you DO. Again we scrape the barrel and we ask you to provide. And we wait on you. We trust you.

USE us! Stretch us.Use our gifts…all 3 of them! Don’t let us turn on the path till you say so. Again we trust you..mostly.

Ok Father I think I can re-fix my eyes on you. Your promises. Your faithfulness. Get me ready for battle.