“Prone to wander..bind my heart to thee.”
That single lyric in the famous hymn has always resonated with me. Frustratingly so actually. How is it that after all He has done, all I have seen Him do and experienced His presence, I could still be prone to wonder?
Better question? How, after all He has done does He even tolerate me “wandering” like some lost sheep? He is incredibly patient. I think we can all agree we would have given up on ourselves long, long ago. Those of you who disagree are lying. As humans we are not a very patient species.
Being in Thailand has in fact cemented me seeing when I start to even begin to wander…BAM! You can find me flat in my face in a corner curled up in the fetal position. It’s a different ballgame…I could pretend better, longer, that I was “fine” back at home. Here there isn’t that margin of holding it together.
1 Chronicles 29:14-18 hit me hard this week, especially verses 17,18
He tests the heart; He knows our heart, our intentions. Our truest selves. There is no pretending with Him. The cookie cutter Christian we all tend to become and then boldly declare we are different from the “other” Christians. Nice try. He knows..Oh He knows all right. He knows if we have a desire in our heart to really know Him, let alone the last time we just sat with Him. I am not talking about reading our devotions and say a prayer. I am talking about Him and us. In an awkward silence, in an uncomfortable position waiting for Him to show up…no agenda just sit. When was the last time we did that? The same kind of relationship we display to our spouse who has come home after a long trip. Where we eagerly greet them at the door. Excited to just “be”.
For me? It’s been a while. Honestly. I’d like to write to you all and share the mission field is full of lifted up-connected-to-Jesus-people… not to say there isn’t of course. However it’s also full of regular people who choose to just walk their faith out. People like you, like me. With battered souls, dusty bibles and weary prayers. That’s what I LOVE verse 18. David just put out there “ God keep our hearts right and loyal to you”
Prone to wander.
Regardless of our sheep like tendencies, He is there. Ever loving. Ever patient and full of grace. I can testify to that, because as soon as I get my head on straight again and turn my eyes to His face I can see He hasn’t moved. Not even one inch.
There is NO ONE like our God!